First Comes Love {Marriage Monday}

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Today I’m beginning a new standing series I’m titling Marriage Monday. One of the reasons I began this blog was out of a concern that ministry families not just survive, but thrive in this crazy life called “ministry.” My prayer is that it will be a place where we can be honest with where we’re struggling, and more importantly, be a source of encouragement to each of you. See you here each Monday!

Yesterday was our 17th anniversary. Ye-haw!! We celebrated it on Saturday by going to a dinner theater. It was so much fun!

And that’s all you need to know. {smile}

Remember that silly rhyme we would tease with in elementary school?

So-and-so and so-and-so,
Sittin’ in a tree,
K-I-S-S-I-N-G.
First comes love,
Then comes marriage,
Then comes baby in a baby carriage.

That childish rhyme describes a general progression of where we put our attention and effort in our relationships. First, we fall in love…pitter-patter goes my heart and all that. Love naturally (in God’s view, anyway) leads to marriage.

Aw, look how cute we were! And skinny.

After the wedding, we turn our focus to marriage, to being married and what it means to be a good wife or a good husband. Right from that first card addressed to Mr. and Mrs. _______________  {squeal!} our identity changes.  We have a new set of expectations for  ourselves and for the man we married than was in place while dating. I hadn’t cooked a single chicken breast before I was married. Then suddenly, I was compelled by some inner urgency to cook dinner every night!

Then for a lot of us comes baby. Yet another huge shift in our identity occurs when we enter parenthood, as well as a shift in how and where we focus our attention. Babies and children – even grown children – demand our time and our energy physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. In the days when I had babies at home, my husband (who got to “escape” to the church everyday) didn’t understand why I was so exhausted when he came home, and why I didn’t have any affection or attention leftover for him.

It’s not uncommon for wives to complain that hubby was romantic and sweet and considerate until the ink dried on the marriage license. It’s not uncommon for husbands to complain that they don’t get any attention after the children come into the household. And while I’m not there yet, I know it’s also not uncommon for couples who are committed to marriage and family to have their children go away to college or to a job and the couple finds themselves staring at each other across the breakfast table, wondering who this person is and what on earth they are doing together.

What happens? We let marriage trump love and babies trump marriage. We forget what always has to come first…love.

Are you “in love” with your husband?

If the answer is not an immediate “yes,” it’s entirely possible you’ve laid aside what came first, allowing marriage and parenthood (and ministry) to trump love, and that’s not good. It’s time to take a refresher course in Spouse 101.

No, it doesn’t require expensive dates or even hiring a sitter. It requires you to engage your brain and stir up all those reasons you fell in love with that man. The feelings, the attraction, the appeal, that led to the K-I-S-S-I-N-G in the first place.

Need a little help? Check out my Pinterest page For Hubs. There’s several pins with ideas to keep your love alive. As well as more than enough gadgets to feed his “love language.” HA!

17 years in LOVE!

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