This is a continuation of my series Meet My Mentors. Today I want to introduce you to a dear friend, Becky Dahlstrom. I first met her in 2005 when I was traveling in ministry and came to her church. During prayer the Lord spoke to each of us concerning the other and thus began a wonderful friendship. Becky has been a friend, confidant, and blessing to me especially during a particularly difficult season of ministry. God knew what He was up to when He brought her into my life!

1)  What do you think is your most important responsibility as a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

My most important responsibility from a biblical viewpoint and practical reality is to love God with all my heart, soul and mind and to love my husband as myself.  I believe all other ministry flow from that reality.

2) Is there anything that you think is not part of your role that others may assume is?

Not at the present.  I have had to learn through the years that the key is to know what the Lord requires of me in any ministry role and work with my husband to define the role.  This is so important to learn and have peace about.  Undefined expectations can cause great emotional turmoil.

3) What boundaries have you established in order to protect your marriage and family life?

1.  Always maintaining a personal relationship with God that is real and practical

2.  Living the spirit filled life in the home

3.  Having a defined family night without interruptions

4.  Not discussing church issues in family settings

5.  Always taking vacations

4) How do you apply Galatians 6:2 (“Carry each other’s burdens”) when facing difficulties or frustrations in ministry?

The previous chapter in Galatians ends with the command to live by the Spirit.  We take our difficulties to God first seeking his word and Spirit’s leading.  Second we get counsel and help from peers and mentors.  We are able to give and face frustrations of ministry through God’s grace, blessings and strength we receive from others.

5) Where do you and your husband find your own pastoral care?

District leadership and pastoral peers outside the church

6) How do you deal with criticism of you or your husband?

Criticism is difficult in any setting.  I have struggled with this and continue to learn not to take it personally.  This has not always been the case.   This must be mastered in a public ministry because it is part of the territory.  Here are a few suggestions:

• Pray for the criticizer “Fill my heart with love for______________.”
• Determine if there is any truth in the criticism and work to change it.
• Work together to resolve the issue.
• Chose not to rehearse it in your mind – forgive and let it go.

7) What is the greatest blessing and what is the greatest burden of being a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

The greatest blessing is be able to be a part the eternal kingdom of God

The great burden is always the urgency of the people’s needs and learning to balance that.

8)  Are there any books you would recommend that you’ve found particularly helpful as a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

Experiencing God  – Henry Blackaby  – a great book to help keep priorities right from a God perspective

The Lies That Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free – Nancy Leigh DeMoss

The Battlefield of the Mind – Joyce Meyer

The Power of Positive Thinking – Norman Vincent Peale  (Great for emotional health)

Brokenness – Nancy Leigh DeMoss

9) What one piece of advice would you pass on to a new pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

Don’t take yourself so seriously, love God, love people, and laugh a lot.

10) How can our readers at Ministry Momma best support you practically and in prayer? 

Pray for a new church plant we are going to be involved in with Pastors Guy and Tana Miller in Salem, Massachusetts.

Related Posts:

An Introduction to Mentoring
Why Would I Need A Mentor
What Are the Benefits of A Mentor?
Mentoring: Formal or Informal?
How Do I Find a Mentor?

Today is the first of three posts where I let you Meet My Mentors. Mary Ann has been a mentor in my life for well over 10 years. She has guided me in all aspects of life, not just ministry matters. She has helped me navigate being a mother. She has taught me how to see the hilarity in life and ministry. She has encouraged me to become a woman of the Word, and a prayer warrior. She has shown me how to accept the call to ministry, whatever it might mean, both “good” and “bad.” She also happens to be my most very favorite Aunt! (She’s actually not my aunt. She’s something like my 2nd cousin, 3 times removed. I think. Let’s just go with, ‘she’s my Aunt!’)

1. What do you think is your most important responsibility as a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

My personal relationship with Jesus.   Everything flows out of that.

2. Is there anything that you think is not part of your role that others may assume is?

I don’t see myself as a messenger girl.  I do not deliver other people’s messages to my husband.

3. What boundaries have you established in order to protect your marriage and family life?

We eat together as a family at least once a day, have regular days off, take family vacations and make every effort to enjoy the journey.

4. How do you apply Galatians 6:2 (“Carry each other’s burdens”) when facing difficulties or frustrations in ministry?

I have always been  blessed with friends outside my denomination who are in ministry that I can talk with and know that they understand and will be praying for me.  When my friends are struggling I pray for them and try to do something encouraging…a note, a loaf of homemade bread, maybe go out for coffee.  A hug or some extra time often mean the world.  I try to be alert and sensitive to the Holy Spirit among my ministry friends.

5. Where do you and your husband find your own pastoral care?

We have devotions as a couple,  I have a favorite preacher (Timothy Keller) that I listen to via podcast, and we both read.  We do take advantage of Minister’s Institutes  or other Services where we can be ministered to.

6. How do you deal with criticism of you or your husband?

With difficulty since it is usually seems unfair as they don’t have the whole picture.   I pray for my hubby that God will give him grace and that if he needs to change, the Holy Spirit will lead him.   If it is me, I ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom…is it valid?  What steps do I need to take?  I have to guard my heart so I put the criticizers on my prayer list asking the Lord to bless them .

7. What is the greatest blessing and what is the greatest burden of being a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

There are so many blessings!  The friends you make, the opportunities to make a difference in people’s lives and the joy of serving Jesus.

The burdens are real as well.  Knowing your attitudes and actions can impact many people, the busyness of ministry,  the financial constraints  and just the wear and tear of walking with people thru life.

8. Are there any books you would recommend that you’ve found particularly helpful as a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

The books I’ve found the most helpful have been those who have encouraged my walk with the Lord.  I am going to list “old” titles but ones I still re-read.

“In the Arena” by Isobel Kuhn  (actually I love all her books)
Destined for the throne by Paul Billheimer
Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards
Your God is too Small by Phillips

I enjoy the classics by Oswald Chambers, Amy Carmichael, Raymond V. Edman, Andrew Murray, AW Tozer,  Poetry by Ruth Harmes Calkin and current author Jill Briscoe.

9. What one piece of advice would you pass on to a new pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

Be diligent about cultivating friends who will pray for you, encourage your heart, speak into your life as well as know how to have a great time together.  I also think it is important to at least keep track of your journey be that through a diary, journal, etc.  Be sure to note your prayer requests and the answers.  It is amazing.

10. How can our readers at Ministry Momma best support you practically and in prayer?

Not sure.  I think one of the most important ministry assets are friends.  Someone to laugh and cry with, who will love us enough to tell us the truth, and someone who prays for us consistently and fervently.  However, that being said, I am always encouraged when someone lets me know I am in their thoughts and prayers, shares a good book to read, a great site to visit or even a super recipe, pattern or idea for the home.  I love learning new ideas and techniques.

Mary Ann Wilkie is a wife, mother to two children and grandmother to seven. She is a registered nurse who has used her skills in many situations. Mary Ann and her husband spent forty years in Latin America as missionaries and now live in Boise, Idaho where she continues in ministry. She loves to read, cook, enjoys handwork and is fascinated by “Pinterest”. Her current goals are to be an encourager and finish well!

Related Posts:

An Introduction to Mentoring
Why Would I Need A Mentor
What Are the Benefits of A Mentor?
Mentoring: Formal or Informal?
How Do I Find a Mentor?

I’ve been writing a number of posts about mentoring: the need, the good, the bad, the timing, and structure. I feel strongly about mentoring, and being mentored! I’ve sought out mentors over my years of ministry who have had a profound impact on the way I live life and “do” ministry. I believe in its importance to help us survive, even thrive, in this ministry life. So I want to introduce you to three of those women.

I’ve asked these three women who are my mentors and friends to answer 10 questions regarding ministry and life. I’ll be posting their thoughts over the next three days. Just reading their responses left me challenged, yet again, to continue to grow in my knowledge and understanding of the Lord, and of the Lord’s calling on my own life. I hope you’ll find nuggets in their responses like I did. I certainly think you will.

Related Posts:

An Introduction to Mentoring
Why Would I Need A Mentor
What Are the Benefits of A Mentor?
Mentoring: Formal or Informal?
How Do I Find a Mentor?

So with all this talk about mentoring, do you think it’s time to find one? (Hint: you should!)

So today’s question is simple: How Do I Find a Mentor?

Odds are, a mentor isn’t going to walk up to you and ask you to be their mentee (That’s actually a word.). It usually goes the other way around. This means it’s up to you. So where do you start?

1. Ask the people you most admire.

Think about the people you most admire in each area of your life. When I spoke to my mentors, I felt a little silly asking them because I know how busy they are, but I figured I’ll never know if I never ask. I shouldn’t have been. The honest truth is that those of us in ministry share a desire to see each other not only survive in the ministry, but thrive.

So, go for it. At best they’ll say yes, and at worst they’ll be flattered you asked, even if they don’t have time.

2. Know what you want.

Do you need a mentor “coach” or a mentor “counselor” in your life? There’s a difference. Do you need someone who will simply keep you accountable to your goals or do you need someone with whom you need to share your full life situation in order to get back on track?

Being a coach will require considerably less time than a counselor.

Either kind of mentor is fine, but it is vital you know what you need before you approach a mentor. And be sure to communicate this clearly so your potential mentors will know what to expect.

3. Communicate.

Clearly communicate what you hope the mentor/mentee relationship will look like.

• How often you will connect?
• How will you connect?
• What area of your life will they mentor you in?
• How much time they should expect to invest?

In my case, I kept the commitment low and the expectations clear. I didn’t need an intensive daily check-in schedule. I just needed someone that I could safely sound off to in stressful times and someone to call when I had even the simplest of questions.

Is it Time?

Is it time for you to find a mentor?

You know you’re ready if you have pushed yourself as far as you can go, you are open to and actually want correction, and you’re willing to commit to pursuing realistic goals until they are met.

Now is the time grow, learn and be all that God has called you to be.

I’d love to help you as you seek out a mentor. Contact me for more information and let’s talk!

Mentoring is a process which is difficult to define, partly because it looks a little different every time. That’s because mentoring can be formal or informal.  My very best personal mentoring experience continues today. It is an informal mentoring agreement that came about simply because I asked.  I approached a extended family member who has been in the ministry for 50 years and raised her children to know the Lord and serve Him faithfully.  She is a great example of grace, determination, and humor in her everyday life and ministry, even when dealing with hard things.  I looked at her life and thought, “I could learn a lot from her.”

I knew her and trusted her.  We rarely see each other in person. We have never lived in the same state. We talk on the phone as our schedules allow. Our mentoring relationship is very informal, but is rooted in friendship and respect and a determination to be completely transparent.

Mentoring can also be a very formal process, an agreement or covenant between two people.  I have had several experiences with formal arrangements, mostly as the mentor. But there was one where I was being mentored.  This  experience was very trying and draining, leading to a sense of failure and ineffectiveness.

From this failed mentoring experience, I learned a few things that are essential to the mentoring process, whether formal or informal.

1. There must be an equal commitment from both people involved.
2. Both parties must be willing to be held accountable.
3. The perspective of the relationship as being mutually beneficial should be held by both people.

My personal experience made me wary of formal, mentoring relationships and as a result I always have a plan when entering in to a formal arrangement. I expect the same from a mentee.

So, which ways have worked best for you?  Formal or informal?  Are you currently mentoring anyone?

Related Posts:

An Introduction to Mentoring
Why Would I Need a Mentor?
What Are the Benefits of a Mentor?

If you’re just joining us here at Ministry Momma, I’ve been talking about Mentoring. I’ve discovered it to be one of the most valuable resources available to help me live this crazy life called ministry and all the curveballs it throws at us. Over the years I’ve had different mentors with different focus. Focuses? Foci? (Heh – obviously they weren’t teaching me the plural form of the word focus!)

So, what exactly are the benefits of a mentor?

1. A mentor guides your path.

When my family goes for a walk, we walk on the sidewalk. We don’t wander through people’s yards. Likewise, when we go for a nature hike, we stick to the path. That’s because someone took the time to plan ahead. They went ahead of us and saw the potential pitfalls and dangerous routes. They cleared a path, leveled the ground and, therefore, made it easier for us to come behind.

A mentor can guide us to the smoothest path.

Just like my blog tagline says, a ministry mentor can help you navigate this crazy life called ministry and all the curveballs it throws at you. A mentor can anticipate the rough patches, and potential struggles, and help you make wise choices that will help you more successfully travel through this ministry journey.

You can also seek a mentor who helps guide you in the journey as a parent. This is one area I’ve particularly sought a mentor for. Raising a family in the midst of a ministry setting is challenging. I’ve been very grateful to have such wise mentors to help me strike the balance.

We can save an enormous amount of heartache and effort by simply learning from women who have cleared the path.

2. A mentor sees our potential.

We can’t see ourselves. We’re usually pretty biased about what we do see.

Even the best athlete needs a coach to point out how and where they have room to improve.

We need people outside of our circumstances to see where we are struggling and where we are succeeding so that they can point out high impact changes we can make.

3. A mentor isn’t afraid to ask the hard questions.

My mentor often asks me hard questions. For example, she regularly asks how my relationship is with my husband. Not because she suspects we’re on the wrong path. Instead she knows it is an area in ministry that can easily be troubled in difficult times. (We’re doing great, by the way! ).  If you want a mentor, you should go in knowing this will take place. And be prepared to be totally transparent.

I suspect you’ll find it is oddly comforting to be asked these hard questions.

When my mentors ask me how my marriage is going, or what personal goals I have worked on lately, it reminds me that I’m not alone.

The Bottom Line is This: I have amazing women behind me, pushing me to be the best I can be in life and ministry and that is deeply motivating.

Related Posts:

An Introduction to Mentoring
Why Would I Need a Mentor?
Mentoring: Formal or Informal?
How Do I Find a Mentor?

Well you can’t really have a reception without food, right (or can you? hmmm…)? And how many receptions, showers, or banquets have you been to that you walked away feeling generally unimpressed with the food?

As we’ve been planning my in-laws 50th Anniversary celebration I would have LOVED to have catered in the food. But again…it costs too much. I love to cook. It’s a good thing, because that’s going to come in handy. My in-laws still live in the same town they were born in. This is something I can’t even wrap my brain around. But the result is they (literally) know everyone in town. Between the personal invitations that went out, the announcement in two (yes, two) different church bulletins, and an announcement in the town newspaper (!), we are expecting there to be about 250 people at this reception. That’s hovering awfully close to a full-blown gala! Whew!

We decided a come and go dessert reception would be the way to go. I’m trying to plan for about 5 small food pieces per person (you’re doing that math in your head, huh? That’s 1,250 individual pieces. Ay-ye-ye…). So here’s the food items I’m planning barring any major disasters (and I’m leaving the door open to that possibility. I’ve done the research. There’s a Sam’s Club about an hour away if I get in trouble. ).

Chocolate Covered Strawberries

I just love chocolate covered strawberries. They add color and class to any table. And they really are simple to make. Isn’t this a pretty way to display them?

Dessert Kabobs

These are also easy to make. I can buy the angel food cake ready-made and cut it up and string it on to the skewers along with more strawberries.

source

Pizzelle Cookies

Have you ever heard of these cookies? They are Italian – slightly anise flavored. I had them all the time growing up. I love them. They carry so many special memories for me so when I found a pizzelle iron recently, I used this reception as my excuse to buy it. A pizzelle iron looks very similar to a waffle iron, and makes these wonderful wafer-like cookies in about 3 minutes flat. The cookies are so dainty. In fact, I think they look like a lace doilie. Won’t they look beautiful on the dessert table? Here is the recipe I use.

source

Dipped Marshmallow Pops

These are for the seriously sweet-toothed. And they look impressive. In reality they are quite simple. These are the two varieties I plan to make: Oreo and Turtle. The Oreo marshmallow pop is just dipped in white chocolate and then rolled in crushed oreos. The Turtle marshmallow pop is dipped in caramel, then dipped in milk chocolate and rolled in pecans.

source

More detailed instructions for both (plus several more varieties) are found here.

Cake Balls

These are basically the same thing as a cake pop, which are all the rage right now, except there’s not a stick (hence a cake ball, not a cake pop. Hehe…)

source

It should not cost an outrageous amount of money, but this will (by far) be the most time-consuming of the dessert options. I’m willing to take the time to make these, though, because they look so cute on a dessert table! The best tutorial I’ve found online on how to make these really yummy bite-sized desserts can be found here.

Cake

As mentioned on Thursday, we have a friend making a cake to include on the dessert table. With this cute topper on it, the cake will be a great centerpiece to the dessert table.

Tablescape

I was saying yesterday that I think tables need to look creative. No boring single carnation in the middle of each table for me! I also think the dessert table needs to be well-presented. That means both a nice arrangement of the food on the platters and a nice arrangement of the platters.  I’ve been collecting boxes small and small(ish) to use as risers. This will give varying heights to the different platters of food presented.

Here’s my inspiration picture. I hope mine looks this pretty!

So there’s my plan: the invitations, the decor and the food.

Do you feel positively inspired?!? Or maybe less intimidated by the event in your future? I do hope so.

The reception is on March 31st, so I’ll update you in a couple weeks to let you know how (and if) we pull this off!

Happy Day!

Related Posts:

Planning a Reception – Something We Never Expected to Be Part of Our Job {smile}
Planning a Reception – Table Decor Can Be Expensive…or Not

I told you yesterday how I we are planning a Golden Anniversary celebration for my in-laws. I suppose I’m comfortable with planning this event because, let’s face it, receptions are part of the “Pastor’s Wife Job Description.” Albeit, a responsibility we didn’t realize when we got into this ministry life. Nevertheless, we find ourselves regularly planning events: showers, receptions, and banquets.

Decorating tables is always the bane of my existence. Admittedly, that’s because I am not a fan of your typical vase with a flower. Or of a mirror with a candle on top. That’s just…boring. And typical. {sigh} Of course that makes this detail more difficult to accomplish because I want it to be special. And different. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with flowers or candles. I’d just prefer they be creatively utilized. I know, I know…

The Plan

We’re planning to set up 15 round tables, and then include a circle of chairs around the reception hall so attendees have a seating choice. This plan again reduces costs, because we only have to plan centerpieces for 15 tables, plus some decor for the dessert table. That’s very doable! I was trolling Pinterest looking for nice table decor. Nothing that was going to cost an arm and a leg, of course. Which can generally be a tall order.

Ideas

My first thought was to do something like this trick with the glass:

Pinterest link

But I would only want to buy one glass per table, and I think that it will end up being too small for the table. But I do like it. I think it’s a really cute idea!

Another idea utilizing a glass was this:

Pinterest link

I really like this idea! The glasses and tea light candles can be purchased at the Dollar Store, and the shades could be hand-made from vellum paper and wire hangers making this a very economical centerpiece. In the end, though, I decided that it was also too small, and maybe too casual for this kind of event. But I love it. I’m determined to make this for some event some time!

The Final Decision

What we have settled on is a variation of this:

source

In a vase like this (without the floating flowers):

Pinterest link

I think this arrangement will fill out each table nicely and be eye-catching. The glass vases can also be purchased at the Dollar Store (but I have a friend who offered to loan us some she had from a recent reception she hosted. She has 15. Providential, huh?). I’ll go for a walk in the wooded area behind my house and find a nice bunch of branches to spray paint gold. And then I’ll purchase some nice-looking silk flowers to tuck in with each arrangement.

Side Note: If you’re planning a baby shower this Spring, pleeeeeeeaase do this centerpiece! I adore it. And I don’t have any baby showers in my immediate future.

Pinterest link

Now don’t start rumors…I’m not having any more!

Some neat ideas, no? I might have to make the little lamps to put on my table here at home just because I like them so much.

So, what about you? Do you have any showers or banquets in your future? What do you do for table centerpieces?

Related Posts:

Planning a Reception – Something We Never Expected to Be Part of Our Job {smile}
Planning a Reception – the food. The FOOD!

My sweet in-laws are celebrating 50 years of marriage next month! I love them. We’re blessed to have an excellent relationship. They have been a wonderful example to my husband and me of a godly and happy marriage. They have also been supportive of us through the ups and downs of ministry life. Look at this picture from their wedding!

I just love old wedding pictures! And those cute 60′s tea-length wedding dresses! {sigh}

Well, they were blessed with three wonderful sons.

Three wonderful(ly) non-celebratory sons.

To whom it never occurred that a celebration for 50 years might be in order.

So, guess what? I’m We’re planning a celebration.

Well, of course this is nothing new to us Pastor’s wives. It’s the start of “wedding season” for us which includes an awful lot of receptions, and showers, right? So I thought I’d share with you some of the ideas we’ve got. {Enter Pinterest} Maybe it will help you if you’re planning a similar event. Kind of fun, I think. And completely practical too!

The basic details of this reception are: we are planning for approximately 250 people {I know, right?!?}. We’ve chosen to host a come and go dessert reception. This will certainly reduce the cost for that many people!

Of course there are some aspects that simply can’t be “do it yourself” (DIY). Things like tables, plates, serving ware, linens, and beverage supplies. Thankfully, my in-laws’ church, where we are holding our reception, has a wonderfully stocked kitchen. From there we will have glass plates, as well as all the beverage supplies-a large coffeepot as well as glass coffee cups for everyone to drink their coffee or tea in. They also have a very nice punch bowl set. Aren’t we blessed?? What they do not have are table linens. Because they live in a small town, there is only one linen rental company, thus only one price. No choice there but to pay that fee.

Invitations

So on to the DIY portions of our reception. Because this is an anniversary celebration, special invitations are appropriate. And while I love paper crafts, I didn’t have the time or patience to make 75 handmade invitations. Our solution? Did you know you can buy printable invitations? Here is the design we purchased.

When you purchase the boxed set, they come with instructions inside so you can set up a template on your computer to help you properly print the invitations on your own. It was very easy. We didn’t waste…too many. You know what the best part is? We bought them from Hobby Lobby. They regularly provide 40% off coupons so we were able to save a significant amount of money off each box we purchased. Yay for spending less money!

Cakeilicious

One other detail that was not entirely DIY – our cake. There is a family friend who does cakes for fun. She is making a very nice cake for us. And for this, I am eternally grateful because it could have blown our entire budget!

Tomorrow I’ll post about our table decor. I thought that was going to be the worst part of the entire process. Boy was I pleasantly surprised!

And then Saturday I’ll tell about our dessert table. I drool every time I think about the food we’re going to make.

Related Posts:

Planning a Reception – Table Decor Can Be Expensive…Or Not
Planning a Reception – the food. The FOOD!