You’re only a kid once, but you can be immature for a lifetime. The same is true for our marriages. They can be mature, or immature, based more on our choices than on time.

Two characteristics of maturity in your marriage are generosity and forgiveness. In the mature marriage, the wife says, “I’m going to overlook my husband’s top 10 problems. Whenever he offends me I’ll say, ‘Good thing that’s in the top ten!’” The husband sacrifices a golfing excursion to give his wife time to relax and regroup without children around.

Generally, we start dating in a giving mode: ignoring faults, excusing irritations, and affording grace to our loved one. After the vows are spoken, however, it’s not at all uncommon to move into receiving mode, adopting an unhealthy “What have you done for me lately?” immature attitude.

The Apostle Paul tells us in 1 Corinthians 14:11 to “put away childish things,”

So how do children act?

1. Undependable, unsteady.
2. Talk too much about nothing. It takes us three years to learn to talk and decades to learn how to be quiet.
3. Curious. Children always have to be involved in everybody else’s business.
4. Using words carelessly … i.e hurtful joking, provoking, contentiousness, grumbling and complaining.
5. Mine, mine, mine and me, me, me … totally self-absorbed, not considering anyone else’s feelings or circumstances.
6. Petty.  How many of our complaints in our marriage (and those of our church members) are petty, minor gripes that could be overlooked?

If you recognize areas of immaturity in your marriage, determine to “grow up.” As someone has said, the greatest gift we can give our children is to demonstrate a loving relationship between husband and wife. How much more true is that of our congregations and those to whom we are called to minister?

Today I am over at the blog, Question Your Doubts, talking about the Proverbs 31 woman. Here’s an excerpt:

In Christian circles, we use the description found in Proverbs 31 as our primary example of “the perfect woman.” Unfortunately, though, we are so intimidated by the passage that we never pursue that goal purposefully. So instead we do with her what we do with so many others – we compare and find ourselves lacking.

She seems to be the unattainable. And if you’re like me – full of big dreams, a strong personality, ample will, and a desire to change the world – this chapter might inspire fear in your heart. You might begin to wonder because the majority of this passage doesn’t sound like it matches the dreams you have for your life. Don’t be indicted by the ways you feel you don’t fit the Proverbs 31 description.

To read the rest, click here.

In the meantime, have a blessed weekend of ministry my dear sisters in the Lord’s work!

It’s time for Marriage Monday…on a Tuesday. Cut me some slack, I’m still getting my feet warm from my camping experience.

In a ministry family, money can get tight, no? One of the many ways we try to save money is by grooming our dog ourselves. Seems simple enough…

As we speak, Hubs is hard at work doing just that. For the second day in a row. Growling sounds and angry words emanate from the garage, punctuated by whimpering, and scraping claws of a certain dog trying to get away every minute or so. It has involved two trips to the store in search of replacement parts for the clippers, and one moment of particular upset when the dog’s nail got clipped a little too short.

I’m tired of cleaning up dog hair and my husband’s snarling sets my teeth on edge. But I’ve resolved to keep my mouth shut and exercise the virtues of patience, kindness, and self-control in spite my own penchant to do otherwise. I’ve learned the hard way that having both of us lose our peace at the same time is not healthy.

Into every marriage come opportunities for one or both partners to experience great stress, anger, discouragement, fear, or inconvenience. It could be a health crisis (which we’ve had far too much of this summer). It could be a malfunctioning vehicle, a broken lawnmower, sticking door, leaky roof, or those seemingly minor plumbing repairs that turn into huge ordeals and leave behind heaps of sodden rags. Or, the stress could be job-related, financial, or family-related. Maybe your spouse freaks out every time his parents (or yours) come to visit. Maybe you panic over every unexpected expense and the price of gas and your hubby’s desire to buy a new set of golf clubs. The point is, everyone has weak links where flesh overrides faith and we begin to behave badly. It doesn’t matter that we’re ministers.

Whatever the originating cause, when tempers and tensions escalate, it’s easy to jump on for the roller coaster ride of emotions with our spouses and let an external problem become the field of a marital battle. It’s like that old mirroring exercise from high school drama class. But when we mirror each other, and one partner is “losing it,” things can get ugly in a hurry.

We aren’t supposed to be mirrors for our spouses.

We’re supposed to mirror God, reflecting His love, peace, patience, and kindness. Your choice to remain calm might be enough to defuse the situation. At the very least, you’ll still have your peace! Next time you find yourself mirroring a cranky look, a fretful attitude, or an angry tone, step back. You don’t have to go on that ride!