I had decided, I’d made up my mind, I would not have children! I knew early on that God had called me into full-time ministry and I was more than willing to obey the call, but I was not willing to subject any children to a life they had not chosen.

Growing up, I’d seen my share of preachers kids come and go and while the adults focused their attention on saying good-bye to their parents (unless the departure was a result of a church split, in which case it was not good-bye, but “good riddance”), I paid close attention to the children. Their fearful faces were forever etched into the “note-to-self” section of my memory banks. Faces filled with uncertainty and dread as they were yanked from the security of the familiar and forced to leave friends, church, home, and school. All this in the name of “ministry,” a ministry not of their choosing. Their only contribution to this lifestyle was simply having been born to ministry parents. No sir, I would not do this to my own children. For me, ministry equaled childlessness, and I was perfectly at peace with my choice.

Fast forward about five years, when I entered Bible college and met my prince charming. A man equally called into full-time ministry and who not only wanted children, but wanted a bunch! Suddenly my argument for not wanting children dissolved at the thought of being his wife and having his children. I did however, managed to talk him out of having a “bunch” and had only two.

Life under the giant microscope was intensified when Amanda was born. I once committed the inexcusable act of taking my baby to church without donning a hat on her newborn head. Apparently some “well-intended church ladies” mobilized promptly to let me know I was sentencing her to death by sniffles by exposing her to the blistery cold elements of Southern California. Never mind that this child was born with a full head of hair and in desperate need of a hair appointment! Why does there seem to be an unending reserve of unsolicited advice on how to raise, discipline, and dress the pastor’s kid? I often wondered where these people were when it was time to clean the church bathrooms?

Raising two children while in ministry has proven to be a different experience for each one of them. You see, they are as different as night is from day. Amanda is very outgoing and loves being the center of attention (which explains why she loves to sing and act). Adam, however, would rather hide behind the camera videotaping her as she sings (he is my video producer and editor). Therefore one has enjoyed the attention while the other has shied completely away from anything and anyone who would shine a spotlight on him. Our challenge as their parents has been to help them remain balanced and protected from the expectations placed on them by others and ourselves.

We often hear about a PK’s every move being scrutinized and judged. However, I often wonder by whom? Yes, it’s a given that as ministers we should expect this to happen at church, but in all honesty, this scrutiny has often come from me. I’ve struggled with placing unfair expectations on them simply because they carry my name.

The other day, a seasoned minister friend shared something with me that caused me to shudder at the thought. You see my friend is an accomplished woman in ministry, you’d probably know her if I shared her name (I won’t ). She has years of ministry experience behind her; from children’s pastor, to choir director, to missionary, to pastor, and pastor’s wife. You name it she’s done it, and done it well. She is also the mother of two beautiful young adult women. Over Christmas a good friend of the family said to her, “It must have been hard to be your daughter.” A thought that had never crossed her mind. Yet as she shared that story with me, I could sense the regret at the thought of having potentially placed such a heavy burden on the shoulders of her two girls. Yes, it must have been hard being her daughter if high expectations were placed without equal or more tenderness to soften the burden.

My own two children are now grown. Amanda is a sophomore in college and Adam will leave the nest in the fall when he goes to college. For all the ministry challenges and all the unsolicited advice from nosy church members, the question that now haunts me is, “how did I do?”  I wonder, was it hard being my kids? I wish someone had posed that question to me years ago when I could still change my ways.

I do not know what season of life you find yourself in as you read this. If your children are young, might I suggest prayerfully considering whether the expectations you place on your children are fair and for the sake of building God’s Kingdom or are they unfair and for the sake of building your own kingdom? If your children are grown, perhaps a conversation with them is in order. Now, where did I put Amanda’s number?

Olga is a  credentialed minister with the Assemblies of God and has served in multiple lead roles in church ministry alongside her husband of 24 years Dr. Jim Vigil. She and Jim have been Clergy Marriage Encounter presenters for nineteen years. Olga leads “Seasons” the female student mentoring ministry at Central Bible College. She is a Life Coach, speaker, writer, and mentor. She currently serves as National Girls Ministries Leadership Development Coordinator. She lives in Springfield, Missouri and has two children; Amanda-20 and Adam-18, and two girly dogs; Baleigh the shy Lab and Cara the feisty Cocker Spaniel.   

Contact: coacholgav@gmail.com

In the life of a woman, we wear many hats. A hat of a wife, a minister, a friend, a sister, and a mother! The hat of a mother is the most intriguing role a woman can play. The nineteen years of being a mother is a never-ending journey; one which I have yet to conquer. Since a little girl, my desire was to be a mother, which to my delight came true with an abundant blessing of four children. Raising four girls on the mission field gave me a whole new perspective – how blessed I have been to keep them in focus on the things that matter most in life. I do say, we have had our challenges and setbacks but at the end the rewards outweigh it all, especially knowing who we belong to and that He has been refining us like fine gold.

The fears we face as mothers, of how we can instill natural skills as well as spiritual foundations in them, haunt our very being. Through the power of God within us, He gives us strength, wisdom, discernment, and tenacity to survive and even thrive in rearing our children. This gives us great comfort that our God is there in every circumstance of our lives, so we can continue to nurture them in His ways.

No matter where we may raise our children, in different settings, either in the states or overseas, we face difficulties. But when we are consistent and don’t give up, no matter how hard circumstances may be, we will reap the benefit of them loving and walking with God.

Every challenge I face on the mission field, I see as an opportunity to teach my children; to learn from each challenge, conquer the difficulties, and take it as an opportunity for growth and development instead of a setback. I instill in my children to never look at difficulties as a problem but how we can mature in what God has us to learn in that situation. When we look at the difficulties through the eyes of an optimistic person’s view point, how much greater joy! We live life to the fullest in the midst of all the chaos, rather than through the lense of a person who has a pessimistic attitude. While my children are under the influence and care in my life, while they are still living at home, my goal in life is to constantly pump the Word of God in them in everything I do. For them to receive what I have to give them, I must be a person who lives it out first, or whatever I give them will be worthless. As a mother who wears many hats in life, my hat of spiritual example is the priority I want to impart in them first and foremost, and then everything else I desire for them to walk in, in the natural to be all that God has for them, will then come into its place.

The world looks at us and scoffs, and they say, “They are cute now, but just wait until they are teenagers, maybe you will be able to weather the storm until they are old enough to leave home.” To the world, time is an enemy. In time children will grow into teenagers, in time they leave home, in time death sends them to the judgment throne of God. To the Christian, time is an ally, not an enemy! God uses time to mature His people, our children, to mature His church, to ready His people into His kingdom. When we use time resourcefully, time will distinguish us, set apart the children of covenant-keeping parents from the children of covenant breaking parents. Pass your hat on as a godly mother to your children and run the race of life with joy!

The journey of my life as a lady has been a lasting joy. I, Carey Thiet Rostorfer, was born in a war-torn country of Vietnam. I was rescued by missionaries at the age of 8 in 1975 and was adopted by an American family that same year. I had the call of God on my life at the age of 12 and responded to His appeal to be a missionary. I have been married 22 years to my wonderful husband, Jay, and have four girls, Jordan, Constance, Jael, and Candace. We pastored in Ohio for 12 years and have now been missionaries to Madagascar for 10 years.

Hi – my name is Keri.  I’m a pastor’s wife.

(this is where you say ‘hi, Keri!’)

My husband is the senior pastor of a mid-sized church in suburban St. Louis, Missouri. We have two children; our daughter is 9 and our son is 7. JulieAnn asked me to write about raising PK’s and although I have no real expertise to share with anyone, I’ll share with you some of my thoughts on it. I’m the first to admit my limited perspective in this matter – we only have two children, and we only have elementary-aged children. That said, this is what I’ve been thinking about lately.

I’m sure you pray for your children. We pray that God would keep our children and guard them against any harm, physical or otherwise. Keep doing that.

I’m sure you involve your children in your ministry as much as you can. We want our children to feel a part of this calling, and not just consider it Dad’s job. However you are doing that, keep doing that. Keep looking for more ways to do that.

I’m sure you try to keep your children from feeling like they are on center stage. We try to expect nothing more from our children than we would if we were congregants in the pew. We set standards for our children that have nothing to do with the fact that we are the pastors of the church and everything to do with the fact that they are our children. However you are walking that line, keep doing it.

I’m sure each of us wrestles with some part of raising kids in the ministry, and godly women with more wisdom and more experience than me could give better counsel on this.

However. I am challenged by one thought lately.

I want to be okay with sacrifice, and just as importantly, I want my children to be okay with sacrifice. I want to do whatever it takes to build God’s Church. I want to not only accept it, but I want to love being poured out in ministry. I want to say, with Paul, that we rejoice even when we are poured out as an offering (Phil 2:17). The question is how does that look in the pastor’s home and to the pastor’s children?

If Dad gets up in the middle of dinner and leaves for the hospital, we stop and pray for the family that just called in a panic. If we go to a school concert or a swim meet without Dad, I make a point of saying that we want him to be able to be with people who need him, and that we are thankful that Dad can serve them. When the kids feel sad because Dad left before they got up and still wasn’t home when it was time for them to go to bed, we pray together that God would keep Dad strong and help us to be strong too.

I know that this can go too far. I know that some in the ministry have sacrificed their very families on the altar of ministry, and I’m not advocating that. I think one of the important roles of a pastor’s wife is to reign in her husband’s tendency to die trying to be all things to all people.

But I also think that we need to remember the sacrifices of those who have gone before, and to run the race in a manner worthy of the calling we have received. We can trust our families to God in the meantime.

Keri and her husband and children have served in the ministry for nearly 2 decades as staff pastors, missionaries, and now as senior pastors. Get to know her more at her blog Bread of Angels.

P.S. Keri is my older sister. I’m pretty lucky to be part of a family of ministers!

“For I have plans for you,” (Jeremiah 29:11a). This was the only answer that, time after time, I received from the Lord when I didn’t understand what I was doing living in the United States, far away from my family and friends.  I left everything when I decided to get married to my husband of almost 13 years.  I’m originally from Chile and when I met my husband he was living in Greenfield, Massachusetts. We got married and I moved to live in the United States.

I married a Social Worker, not a man in ministry. We got married in 1999 and he was working with troubled youth in the Foster Care system. We were very involved in the church, supporting and helping in anything that we could do.  After a couple of years, my husband was called to ministry.  He decide to attend UBTC (Urban Bible Training Center) of the Assemblies of God in Springfield, MA  and in 2005 he obtained his credentials with the Assemblies of God.

Initially he continued working full time in Social Services and I was at home raising our 3 boys and running a Family Childcare, where I had 6 kids from ages 6 months old to 5 years old.  We also served as support pastors at Valley Life Church in South Deerfield, MA where we did children’s ministries, small groups, sunday school , outreaches, etc.

Many times keeping balance in the daily family activities and routines, working full time jobs and being involved in ministry was so hard.  I learned that I would have to see what the priorities were for us as family.  God is the center in our home, and the first group that we need to minister to is our children.  God first, family second, and ministry third.  Prayer is the most important part in my busy life; being a wife, a mom, a full time worker and a Pastor’s wife is not easy. We need His strength and His direction in every step and every decision.

In 2009 my husband took the next step in his credential process with the Assemblies of God.  We continued supporting our Pastor at Valley Life Church.  In the same year I switched jobs. After doing Family Daycare for 10 years, I felt it was time for me to find another job and God opened  a door for me when I least expected.  I started working as a Home Visitor in the Early Head Start program here in our county. I’m able to be with other adults and work with high risk and low income families. I’m amazed how God has blessed my life in this job. The opportunities to tell others about God and His faithfulness and His love, pray with and for my coworkers, etc.,  are priceless.

At the beginning of 2011 God put a sense in our hearts that this was going to be a year of changes.  We prayed and prayed, hoping for a door to be open in ministry. Months went by and nothing happened. We learned to wait, really wait in the Lord. We were faithful in our support for the church that we were in and again, when we least expected my husband got an invitation to preach in two churches that didn’t have a Pastor.

In December 2011, my husband was appointed as the Pastor of Winchester Assembly of God in Winchester, New Hampshire.  It’s a small rural church, with a few members, and most of them are elderly.  We have a lot to do in this assignment that God has given us!  Our children are older now, and they are involved in our ministry and they support us in what we do.  Working as a family is a blessing. Seeing my kids help to set up, do the “tech” things, helping in one or another ways just blesses my heart.  I know we are seeing what we “deposited” in their early ages.

The church is about 30 minutes away from where we live, so it’s a challenge to go there 3 or 4 times a week.  We had to become more organized – where we put the things, homework, meals, sports, etc. And fitting that in with the activities at the church can be challenging. Everybody knows what their responsibilities are and what they need to do. We are discovering a new world called “Full Time Ministry” for our family.

God knows us better than anybody. He knows what we are able to do. He has given us the tools that we need to do what He called us to do. He gave us the Holy Spirit to give strength when we feel we can’t do it.

I know for sure He had and He has plans for me. The journey took a little longer than we expected, but it was the right time; it was God’s timing. He was working in our lives as we were faithful to Him in the waiting.   His promises are true!!

Claudia was born and raised in Chile, South America. She came to the US at the age of 32 to marry her husband. She and her husband have been married for 13 years and have 3 boys. They served as bi-vocational staff pastors for 5 years. In December 2011, they began pastoring Winchester Assembly of God, Winchester, New Hampshire, and continue their secular work believing that the Lord has called them to “such a time as this.”

When Momma Is the Minister

The night of my ordination ceremony my biggest concern was whether or not my daughter, less than two weeks from turning two years old, would be content sitting with the senior pastor’s wife during the service while my husband and I were seated with the other ordinands and their spouses near the altar. I placed her in the care of my pastor’s wife just moments before lining up for the procession. My husband and I looked like everyone else, except we were lined up in reverse from the rest of the group. I was on the same side as all the male pastors. My husband, an information technology project manager, was on the same side as the pastor’s wives.  In our ministry family, momma is the minister.

Less than two years later, I gave birth to my second daughter. Since my ministry often involved travel and my husband needed to stay in town for his secular job, I quickly mastered the art of very organized travel with two small children. I was the celebrity of the airport security check-in line. With my airplane tickets in a holder hung around my neck, one car seat strapped to my back, another one under my arm, a preschooler holding my hand and a baby sitting on a folding chair strapped to my rolling carry-on, I provided amusement for all the other travelers. “Where did you get that amazing travel seat for the baby?” “Love the backpack car-seat holder!” “You are so organized!” “Be careful when you turn with that car seat on your back!” As I quickly dug out my laptop and unpacked everything to go through security only to assemble it all again moments later, I earned both admiration and sympathy from the others in line.  With each speaking engagement, I perfected my travel system.

Now that my daughters are nine and soon-to-be six years old, I rejoice as they pull their own little carry-on luggage and walk alongside me. The crazy travel days are now only fun memories for the three of us, preserved in digital photos and printed scrapbooks. My oldest daughter is no longer the toddler sitting through an ordination ceremony. She is now my trusted graphic design assistant who has a sharp eye for web page layout and good color combinations for ministry brochures and sermon slides. Over the years, ministry has become more than momma’s job. Ministry is what we do together as a family, even if momma is the only one who gets to stand behind the pulpit.

Christina and her husband live outside of Boston, Massachusetts. She is a national speaker, ordained minister, writer, and research scientist trained at Harvard Medical School. Here is a link to a great article she wrote titled Honoring the Different Paths of Ministry.

She is also the mother of two girls who add energy, creativity, and laughter to her life.

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We linked this post to:

http://www.thebettermom.com

I stumbled upon a blog post a few weeks ago where the lady was talking about arrogant parenting. Kind of strong language, to be sure, but it’s really stuck with me. Unfortunately, I didn’t bookmark it so I could send you to read it. But she was, in essence, talking about parents who think they’ve got this parenting thing figured out.

Parenting is hard, for sure. I think any parent, minister or not, who is actively engaged in raising their kids wonders if they’re doing it “correctly.” And wonders what “correctly” is. We can’t really know how we did until our kids leave the house. And even then I know some empty-nesters who still wonder. There are so many factors involved: cultures, environments, your kid’s personalities, your own personality. Your individual responses to a situation, your extended family, whether you choose to work or not work, and on and on and on…

When I post about being a parent, I don’t ever want to be viewed as an expert. I’m not. If you ask me today how I feel I’m doing, I might say it’s going well. But ask me tomorrow and I might respond differently. My perspective is for kids age tween and younger. I don’t know what it’s like to have a kid any older than that. At least not yet. (Please note: we’re trundling full-speed-ahead towards that and I’m not ready!)

But I do have a special heart for PKs. I am one, afterall. And I really want to get it right with my kids. Just like you. Us ministry families have a unique environment in which we’re raising our kids. That’s why I post about raising PKs.

The last few weeks have been a lot of practical tips. We are normal people, after all. But there’s a lot more to us women, isn’t there? That side that is about the Kingdom. Trying to love the others around us as Christ loved us. Trying to be a light. Trying to effectively communicate the gospel through our love, through our actions, through our essence. And so I want to spend some time opening the door on those areas of our world. This is a crazy life, after all!

This week, I’ve asked several of my ministry friends to share with you their experiences as women in ministry and in raising PKs. Each of these women have cultural differences. They all have different personalities. They have varied circumstances that affect how they’re involved in ministry and how they are raising their children. I appreciate each of them. They’re wonderful women in ministry. And GREAT moms!

Come back each day this week and hear what they have to say. I think you’ll connect with them. You’ll see yourself in one of their shoes. Best of all, I know it’s going to encourage you and help you know you’re not alone.