Apr 14, 2012

The Finance Man is in The House: “What Can Be Included in Minister’s Housing Allowance?”

By · 1 Comment

Raise your hand if you’re the one who handles the finances for your home.

Not me!! And I couldn’t be happier. Because minister’s taxation is a bear! Lucky for me, I’m married to The Finance Man. I call him Hubs. You can call him the Right Reverend Shelby Pratt. On second thought maybe you should just call him Pastor Shelby.

I’ve asked Hubs if he could answer questions about minister’s taxes every once and awhile. So if you have something you’d like him to talk about, send me a message! I’ll post his responses periodically. Today he tackles Housing Allowance.

One of the most common questions that comes my way is about housing allowance. Typically, it goes something like this: “What can be included in a minister’s housing allowance?”

The short answer is, well…there really isn’t a short answer. Basically, a minister can include anything (other than food) that gets consumed or used in the provision of a home. But there are limitations. With as little IRS-ese as possible, the maximum amount that can be excluded from a minister’s taxable earnings is the lesser of one of three things.

  1. The amount officially designated by the church board. (This one is just plain ridiculous, because who, in their right mind, would ask their church board to designate a lower amount than one of the next two items?) Even for a bi-vocational pastor, whose entire church compensation could be housing allowance, I recommend having a larger-than-anticipated housing allowance designation. This will allow any and all honorariums or gifts to be distributed as housing allowance.
  2.  The actual expenses incurred in providing a home. You’ll start off with  an estimate of annual expenses, which can range from mortgage principal and interest payments (or rent payments) to lawn care to dish detergent to trash and recycling services. A good housing allowance declaration will be as inclusive as possible and may include a bit of a buffer for unexcpected housing-related expenses (e.g., replacing a broken refrigerator or that “honey-do” project you’ve been meaning to tackle). Estimating high will ensure you maximize your housing allowance benefit. But, in the end, the actual out-of-pocket expenses is the measure.
  3. The fair rental value of your home, furnished plus utilities. This, unfortunately, is a bit of a challenge to determine. The FRV is the standard set by law. The challenge is the IRS has never provided any guidance on how to determine the FRV. You can make a somewhat educated guess and check your local newspaper for comporable rental homes. Then just add the cost of your furnishings and monthly utilities. And determining the furnishings could even be done a couple of different ways (i.e., purchase versus rental price). To solidify the rental value, you could get a realtor or property manager’s opinion–in writing.

At the end of the year, the LOWEST of the three amounts is what can actually be excluded from a minister’s taxable income. If you estimated high (declared $30,000 and only qualified for $25,000),  the excess amount is reported as taxable income. BUT, if you estimated low (declared $25,000 and could have qualified for $30,000), you cannot reclassify the difference as housing allowance. In the first example, you maximized your housing allowance. In the second, you paid taxes on $5,000 unnecessarily.

Lastly, let me pass along a few things to keep in mind. Getting a housing allowance in place is a two step process.

  1. Declaration–A minister declares the desired housing allowance amount to the church board.
  2. Designation–The board officially designates the housing.

Technically, there is no housing allowance until Step 2. And any payments made before board designation is taxable wages.

As you can see from this very brief and somewhat technical discussion, housing allowance can be quite a complicated issue. If you have further questions about this or any other topic relating to minister and church finance, let us know. In the meantime, don’t forget to file your taxes by Tuesday, April 17th!

~~Pastor Shelby

Shelby has a B.A. in Biblical Studies from Central Bible College, and an M.B.A. from Regent University. He has served in several church staff positions, including youth pastor, church administrator, interim pastor, and Executive Pastor. He served as a church business consultant for AG Financial Solutions. More recently, Shelby served as Vice President for Finance at Zion Bible College and as Vice President for Operations at Central Bible College. While serving both colleges, he also served the Southern New England Ministry Network as their Controller and had the privilege of working with many of the Network ministers and churches, in matters of minister’s taxation and church finance and administration. He joined the Ohio Ministry Network as Finance Director in June 2011.

Please understand, any explanation given on this blog should not be viewed as legal or financial advice. If you have questions or concerns you should consult your own legal or tax counsel. Thanks for understanding!

Related Posts:

Preach the Gospel to…Yourself
From My Perspective: Keri Stoner
Today’s PSA: We’re Not Perfect

Filed Under: Home Matters, This Crazy Life Called "Ministry" ·
Apr 12, 2012

Guest Post: Depression: Feeling More Than Just Bla’se’ Fair

By · Leave a Comment

I love when God ordains the meeting of a new friend! Such is the case with today’s guest author. Dr. Sonja and I literally met poolside while we were hanging out watching our kids play (we each have a daughter with the same name! How can you NOT start a conversation, right?!?). Over the course of the months since we’ve shared our ministry stories and our heart for the spiritual and mental health of ministers and women in ministry. A couple weeks ago we met for dinner. Remember those statistics I shared with you a few weeks ago? We began discussing that post which lead to a great conversation about one of the leading issues among women in ministry: depression. I asked Dr. Sonja if she would share her thoughts from her experience and unique perspective as a healthcare provider. And she was willing. It’s my privilege to have her as part of the Ministry Momma community and to introduce you to her! Read on…it’s an excellent and encouraging post, friends!

Depression: Feeling More Than Just Bla’se’ Fair

First off I want to give a hearty “THANK YOU” to JulieAnn for asking me to contribute to her blog on the topic of depression.  I hope that after reading this post you will recognize the reality of what some women are coping with on a day-to-day basis.  This is a blog that many of you, personally, will be able to relate to because you are “right there” with the concrete facts of what I’m going to share.

I have the privilege, as a healthcare provider, of meeting with women in my office everyday to discuss symptoms and concerns related to the natural aging process.  The consultations that I provide can go in many directions whether it hormones, emotions, physical needs, or mental needs.  I should also preface this blog by saying that these women I meet with serve in every walk of life and are in every stage of life from young to old.  I provide care to executives, local celebrities, healthcare providers, school teachers, stay-at-home moms, ministry wives, construction workers, and nearly any role you can imagine.  After years of doing this I can say without a doubt that no one, regardless of professional status or responsibility, is exempt from the impact of depression. Each time I do a consultation, I always touch on the issue of depression and anxiety to fully assess the reasons for various problems.  The “cause” of depression is sometimes identifiable, but most often is not.  For some, depression can be explained as an inherent propensity to depression due to a strong family history of the disorder; for others it’s brought on by stress and emotional trauma; for others it’s a slow downward decline due to unhealthy relationships and poor social networks; for others it’s the consistent feelings of failure or not meeting expectations; and for others it’s due to endocrine and biological shifts of the body due to some other disease state.  The reality is that whatever the cause, the effects can be significant and long lasting for some women who struggle with clinical depression.

These are the hard core statistics about depression so you have an understanding of how significant this is:

  • The World Health Organization identified depression as the third most important cause of disease burden worldwide in 2004, and it is estimated that, globally, depression will be the second leading cause of disability by the end of 2020.
  • In the U.S., depression is the most common type of mental illness (affecting 26% of adults).
  • Women experience depression two times more than men.
  • Bringing the statistics “closer to home” (so to speak), I did an audit of charts that I hold in the office and realized that 88% of my clients responded “Yes!  I have experienced depression”.  Twenty-five percent stated they had experienced it once or twice in their life.  Twenty-three percent said they experienced depression once or twice a year.
  • Then to bring it “really close to home”, I found that depression amongst those that I know are in ministry (or simply ministry wives) experienced an average age onset of depression in their early thirties.  That’s our YOUNG WOMEN in MINISTRY.  WOW!!!  The majority experienced depression at or near five to six years in their ministry career.  Mentoring young women in ministry is clearly needed and critical.  The first five years have a HUGE impact psychologically for those starting their journey in ministry.

What should a woman do if she has consistent feelings of depression?

Talk to your spouse, talk to your most trusted mentor, and go see your doctor.  One of the biggest mistakes made by well meaning people is to give someone who is crying out for help the old “it’ll get better” pat of dismissal on the shoulder.  That, sadly, is often what happens when someone tries to express the feelings of being in a deep bla’se’ fair state.  Many woman, and particularly young women, become confused that depression is a state of weakness and find themselves very vulnerable in reaching out because of the opinions and recommended antidotes of others.  Or, they just soon realize that it’s the “thing I dare not speak of” because of the responses of the past.  If there is one thing I’ve learned over the years, it is to take these conversations about depression very seriously and ask the right questions to direct each woman, as an individual, toward the appropriate help.  Often having an outlet to share feelings and frustrations is all that is needed (along with great studies of the Word or course), but always keep in mind that from time to time, there needs to be medical intervention.

In wrapping this blog up, I want to end on the power that faith holds in the battle with depression.  I’ll share my thoughts with you in this way.  I once had a bathroom scale that was obviously broken and unreliable.  I could step on the scale and it would display 108 pounds.  That seemed great until my seven year old daughter and my husband each stepped on it and it revealed the exact same number.  The scale was obviously broken, but I think we as women want to use a faulty scale to determine our status in life. Plain and simple, you can’t use society’s unreliable “self-worth” scale to determine YOUR own self-worth.  I always tell women not to get their hand caught in the comparison trap.  It will fracture you and your spirit in a heartbeat.  The scripture is clear on the fact that we are each highly favored by God.  No doubt, our earthly life will bring with it trials, temptations, loss, and sometimes defeat, but God’s view of us does not change and is not faulty in any way.  The scripture says that He is the glory and the lifter of our heads.  (Ps. 3:3) There will be times when we have to use the scripture to re-evaluate and re-calibrate our view of ourselves.

I want to tell you what God has to say about you

(By the way, His scale is never broken)

Mark: we are to be believers and not doubters.
John: Christ’s friend, appointed, and a recipient.
Romans: Justified, redeemed, free of guilt, and holy
Corinthians: A new creation, reconciled.
Ephesians: blessed chosen, redeemed, forgiven, God’s workmanship
Timothy: saved and called
Peter: a living stone, established, chosen, royal, God’s own, and a partaker.

Each of us could say that “He loves me the most!” and we would be right.   I firmly believe that God is our ultimate Source and we always need to be looking to Him.   I also believe that he has called and equipped pastors, leaders, mentors, and healthcare professionals to minister to others who need a helping hand and a gracious heart as they struggle through the depression.  I think it’s time we become sensitive to others and especially to those that are younger in ministry.  Our responses and advice could mean all the difference “IN THE WORLD”. Literally.

To your good health, Dr. Sonja O’Bryan

Rev. Dr. Sonja O’Bryan has been married for 21 years to an ordained minister and has three beautiful children. Professionally, Sonja received her Bachelors degree from St. Louis College of Pharmacy and her Doctorate from the University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences.  Dr. Sonja has 20 years of experience professionally with practices in Administration, Advisory Board Member for various pharmaceutical companies, and as an Adjunct Professor for Missouri State University and other national colleges and universities as a student preceptor.  Other areas of experience for Dr. O’Bryan include retail, oncology, long term care/geriatric consulting, and compounding pharmacy. She currently practices at the Custom Compounding Center (www.customcompoundingrx.com) in Bolivar Missouri as a specialized consultant dealing in anti-aging and integrative medicine, weight loss, and Bio-Identical hormone replacement therapy for men and women. Often Dr. Sonja meshes the spiritual and physical aspects of better living in her presentations and women walk away feeling renewed and refreshed mentally, physically, and spiritually.  Dr. Sonja, a licensed minister with the Assemblies of God, is a sought after community speaker and enjoys speaking in various forums to medical professionals, patients, and especially to church women’s groups.

Related Posts:

An Introduction to Mentoring
Why Would I Need A Mentor
What Are the Benefits of A Mentor?
Mentoring: Formal or Informal?
How Do I Find a Mentor?

Filed Under: Everyday Encouragement, Home Matters, Living as a Christian, This Crazy Life Called "Ministry" ·
Mar 30, 2012

Meet My Mentors: Kay Gross

By · Leave a Comment

This is the last post in my series Meet My Mentors.  I’d like to introduce you to a new friend in my life. She is the Pastor’s wife and Associate Pastor at our church, Radiant Life, in Dublin, Ohio. I find Kay to be completely down to earth and practical, yet determinedly about the things of God. It’s so refreshing to be around a woman in ministry who is enjoying her life! I have loved getting to know her and look forward to growing our relationship more as the years go by.

1. What do you think is your most important responsibility as a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

To live an authentic Christian life and model what it means to love my husband, children and God’s church. It is not my responsibility to be perfect (it’s a good thing :) ) but it is my responsibility faithfully follow God so others can follow me and become closer to God.

2. Is there anything that you think is not part of your role that others may assume is?

I do my best to do what I do because it is what God wants me to do. There have been times when various ones felt my responsibility was to please them and that is neither possible or my call from God. Rather, it my responsibility to be obedient to God’s call on my life. That is not to say that those in leadership don’t have an obligation to judge their walk carefully in order not to be stumbling block to others. But it does mean that my role in ministry will be different than other pastor’s wives or women in ministry and that is how it should be. It helps a lot that we have been here 32 years. For most part, I am accepted for who I am. It is often harder for those younger or in new positions.

3. What boundaries have you established in order to protect your marriage and family life?

We are faithful to go out at lunch on Thursday and through the years it has had a stabilizing effect on our marriage. No matter how busy things get, we purpose to make time for each other. When the children were young, I home schooled which provided us a more flexible schedule. This helped us balance all of the demands of ministry and life. Now, that the children are grown, we continue to make time to take care of the grandkids and fellowship with our children. We realized a long time ago that we could not have a healthy church if we did not have a healthy marriage and family.

4. How do you apply Galatians 6:2 (“Carry each other’s burdens”) when facing difficulties or frustrations in ministry?

We have many ministry friends and whether we are together at district events or out for meal together (which doesn’t happen very often), we have learned to share openly our lives and struggles. Oddly, even when we are sharing difficult times (or maybe especially when we share our difficult times), our fellowship serves as an encouragement to each other. There are some things that occur in ministry that are only understood by others in ministry. Laughing together, venting together, crying together can all be very healing!

5. Where do you and your husband find your own pastoral care?

Dave and I attend many district events and we feel encouraged as we hear the speakers and fellowship with other ministers.

6. How do you deal with criticism of you or your husband?

I try to find the kernel of truth (even if it is delivered in a hurtful manner) and allow God to help me accept our responsibility. I must admit, however, that sometimes I’m not very good at letting things go. I try to remind myself that with the same measure of mercy that I forgive, I will be forgiven.. Through the years, I have learned that when I do what is right, in spite of the hurt or anger I feel, I am able to give the process of forgiveness time to occur without making the situation worse. In other words, if I can just be nice, things tend to work out. :)

7. What is the greatest blessing and what is the greatest burden of being a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

The greatest blessing is being able to speak into the lives of women and men and seeing them grow in the Lord. The greatest burden is when you do all you know to do and your good is spoken evil of.

8. Are there any books you would recommend that you’ve found particularly helpful as a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

A Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards

9. What one piece of advice would you pass on to a new pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

Be yourself! God has a unique plan for your life and ministry. It is so easy to compare yourself with others and find yourself lacking but as you walk out your calling, God will show Himself faithful to form you into a unique vessel who can accomplish what He has planned before you were even born.

Related Posts:

An Introduction to Mentoring
Why Would I Need A Mentor
What Are the Benefits of A Mentor?
Mentoring: Formal or Informal?
How Do I Find a Mentor?

Filed Under: This Crazy Life Called "Ministry" ·
Mar 29, 2012

Meet My Mentors: Rebecca Dahlstrom

By · Leave a Comment

This is a continuation of my series Meet My Mentors. Today I want to introduce you to a dear friend, Becky Dahlstrom. I first met her in 2005 when I was traveling in ministry and came to her church. During prayer the Lord spoke to each of us concerning the other and thus began a wonderful friendship. Becky has been a friend, confidant, and blessing to me especially during a particularly difficult season of ministry. God knew what He was up to when He brought her into my life!

1)  What do you think is your most important responsibility as a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

My most important responsibility from a biblical viewpoint and practical reality is to love God with all my heart, soul and mind and to love my husband as myself.  I believe all other ministry flow from that reality.

2) Is there anything that you think is not part of your role that others may assume is?

Not at the present.  I have had to learn through the years that the key is to know what the Lord requires of me in any ministry role and work with my husband to define the role.  This is so important to learn and have peace about.  Undefined expectations can cause great emotional turmoil.

3) What boundaries have you established in order to protect your marriage and family life?

1.  Always maintaining a personal relationship with God that is real and practical

2.  Living the spirit filled life in the home

3.  Having a defined family night without interruptions

4.  Not discussing church issues in family settings

5.  Always taking vacations

4) How do you apply Galatians 6:2 (“Carry each other’s burdens”) when facing difficulties or frustrations in ministry?

The previous chapter in Galatians ends with the command to live by the Spirit.  We take our difficulties to God first seeking his word and Spirit’s leading.  Second we get counsel and help from peers and mentors.  We are able to give and face frustrations of ministry through God’s grace, blessings and strength we receive from others.

5) Where do you and your husband find your own pastoral care?

District leadership and pastoral peers outside the church

6) How do you deal with criticism of you or your husband?

Criticism is difficult in any setting.  I have struggled with this and continue to learn not to take it personally.  This has not always been the case.   This must be mastered in a public ministry because it is part of the territory.  Here are a few suggestions:

  • Pray for the criticizer “Fill my heart with love for______________.”
  • Determine if there is any truth in the criticism and work to change it.
  • Work together to resolve the issue.
  • Chose not to rehearse it in your mind – forgive and let it go.

7) What is the greatest blessing and what is the greatest burden of being a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

The greatest blessing is be able to be a part the eternal kingdom of God

The great burden is always the urgency of the people’s needs and learning to balance that.

8)  Are there any books you would recommend that you’ve found particularly helpful as a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

Experiencing God  – Henry Blackaby  – a great book to help keep priorities right from a God perspective

The Lies That Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free – Nancy Leigh DeMoss

The Battlefield of the Mind – Joyce Meyer

The Power of Positive Thinking – Norman Vincent Peale  (Great for emotional health)

Brokenness – Nancy Leigh DeMoss

9) What one piece of advice would you pass on to a new pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

Don’t take yourself so seriously, love God, love people, and laugh a lot.

10) How can our readers at Ministry Momma best support you practically and in prayer? 

Pray for a new church plant we are going to be involved in with Pastors Guy and Tana Miller in Salem, Massachusetts.

Rebecca Dahlstrom has served in ministry with her husband for 37 years. She graduated from Zion Bible Institute and is currently working as Student Billing Manager at Zion Bible College and has been recently appointed as the Northeast Massachusetts Women’s Representative for the Southern New England District of the Assemblies of God. They have been in pastoral ministry in churches in Maryland, Massachusetts, and Connecticut. Becky’s passion is preaching and teaching God’s Word and prayer for the harvest. She ministers at women’s retreats, is a Bible study leader, a mentor and teaches classes for mothers. She has been married for 37 years, has three children who are in ministry and two precious grandsons.


Related Posts:

An Introduction to Mentoring
Why Would I Need A Mentor
What Are the Benefits of A Mentor?
Mentoring: Formal or Informal?
How Do I Find a Mentor?

Filed Under: This Crazy Life Called "Ministry" ·
Mar 28, 2012

Meet My Mentors: Mary Ann Wilkie

By · Leave a Comment

Today is the first of three posts where I let you Meet My Mentors. Mary Ann has been a mentor in my life for well over 10 years. She has guided me in all aspects of life, not just ministry matters. She has helped me navigate being a mother. She has taught me how to see the hilarity in life and ministry. She has encouraged me to become a woman of the Word, and a prayer warrior. She has shown me how to accept the call to ministry, whatever it might mean, both “good” and “bad.” She also happens to be my most very favorite Aunt! (She’s actually not my aunt. She’s something like my 2nd cousin, 3 times removed. I think. Let’s just go with, ‘she’s my Aunt!’)

1. What do you think is your most important responsibility as a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

My personal relationship with Jesus.   Everything flows out of that.

2. Is there anything that you think is not part of your role that others may assume is?

I don’t see myself as a messenger girl.  I do not deliver other people’s messages to my husband.

3. What boundaries have you established in order to protect your marriage and family life?

We eat together as a family at least once a day, have regular days off, take family vacations and make every effort to enjoy the journey.

4. How do you apply Galatians 6:2 (“Carry each other’s burdens”) when facing difficulties or frustrations in ministry?

I have always been  blessed with friends outside my denomination who are in ministry that I can talk with and know that they understand and will be praying for me.  When my friends are struggling I pray for them and try to do something encouraging…a note, a loaf of homemade bread, maybe go out for coffee.  A hug or some extra time often mean the world.  I try to be alert and sensitive to the Holy Spirit among my ministry friends.

5. Where do you and your husband find your own pastoral care?

We have devotions as a couple,  I have a favorite preacher (Timothy Keller) that I listen to via podcast, and we both read.  We do take advantage of Minister’s Institutes  or other Services where we can be ministered to.

6. How do you deal with criticism of you or your husband?

With difficulty since it is usually seems unfair as they don’t have the whole picture.   I pray for my hubby that God will give him grace and that if he needs to change, the Holy Spirit will lead him.   If it is me, I ask the Holy Spirit for wisdom…is it valid?  What steps do I need to take?  I have to guard my heart so I put the criticizers on my prayer list asking the Lord to bless them .

7. What is the greatest blessing and what is the greatest burden of being a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

There are so many blessings!  The friends you make, the opportunities to make a difference in people’s lives and the joy of serving Jesus.

The burdens are real as well.  Knowing your attitudes and actions can impact many people, the busyness of ministry,  the financial constraints  and just the wear and tear of walking with people thru life.

8. Are there any books you would recommend that you’ve found particularly helpful as a pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

The books I’ve found the most helpful have been those who have encouraged my walk with the Lord.  I am going to list “old” titles but ones I still re-read.

“In the Arena” by Isobel Kuhn  (actually I love all her books)
Destined for the throne by Paul Billheimer
Tale of Three Kings by Gene Edwards
Your God is too Small by Phillips

I enjoy the classics by Oswald Chambers, Amy Carmichael, Raymond V. Edman, Andrew Murray, AW Tozer,  Poetry by Ruth Harmes Calkin and current author Jill Briscoe.

9. What one piece of advice would you pass on to a new pastor’s wife/woman in ministry?

Be diligent about cultivating friends who will pray for you, encourage your heart, speak into your life as well as know how to have a great time together.  I also think it is important to at least keep track of your journey be that through a diary, journal, etc.  Be sure to note your prayer requests and the answers.  It is amazing.

10. How can our readers at Ministry Momma best support you practically and in prayer?

Not sure.  I think one of the most important ministry assets are friends.  Someone to laugh and cry with, who will love us enough to tell us the truth, and someone who prays for us consistently and fervently.  However, that being said, I am always encouraged when someone lets me know I am in their thoughts and prayers, shares a good book to read, a great site to visit or even a super recipe, pattern or idea for the home.  I love learning new ideas and techniques.

Mary Ann Wilkie is a wife, mother to two children and grandmother to seven. She is a registered nurse who has used her skills in many situations. Mary Ann and her husband spent forty years in Latin America as missionaries and now live in Boise, Idaho where she continues in ministry. She loves to read, cook, enjoys handwork and is fascinated by “Pinterest”. Her current goals are to be an encourager and finish well!

Related Posts:

An Introduction to Mentoring
Why Would I Need A Mentor
What Are the Benefits of A Mentor?
Mentoring: Formal or Informal?
How Do I Find a Mentor?

Filed Under: This Crazy Life Called "Ministry" ·
Mar 27, 2012

You Get to Meet My Mentors!

By · 2 Comments

I’ve been writing a number of posts about mentoring: the need, the good, the bad, the timing, and structure. I feel strongly about mentoring, and being mentored! I’ve sought out mentors over my years of ministry who have had a profound impact on the way I live life and “do” ministry. I believe in its importance to help us survive, even thrive, in this ministry life. So I want to introduce you to three of those women.

I’ve asked these three women who are my mentors and friends to answer 10 questions regarding ministry and life. I’ll be posting their thoughts over the next three days. Just reading their responses left me challenged, yet again, to continue to grow in my knowledge and understanding of the Lord, and of the Lord’s calling on my own life. I hope you’ll find nuggets in their responses like I did. I certainly think you will.

Related Posts:

An Introduction to Mentoring
Why Would I Need A Mentor
What Are the Benefits of A Mentor?
Mentoring: Formal or Informal?
How Do I Find a Mentor?

Filed Under: This Crazy Life Called "Ministry" ·
Mar 26, 2012

How Do I Find a Mentor?

By · Leave a Comment

So with all this talk about mentoring, do you think it’s time to find one? (Hint: you should!)

So today’s question is simple: How Do I Find a Mentor?

Odds are, a mentor isn’t going to walk up to you and ask you to be their mentee (That’s actually a word.). It usually goes the other way around. This means it’s up to you. So where do you start?

1. Ask the people you most admire.

Think about the people you most admire in each area of your life. When I spoke to my mentors, I felt a little silly asking them because I know how busy they are, but I figured I’ll never know if I never ask. I shouldn’t have been. The honest truth is that those of us in ministry share a desire to see each other not only survive in the ministry, but thrive.

So, go for it. At best they’ll say yes, and at worst they’ll be flattered you asked, even if they don’t have time.

2. Know what you want.

Do you need a mentor “coach” or a mentor “counselor” in your life? There’s a difference. Do you need someone who will simply keep you accountable to your goals or do you need someone with whom you need to share your full life situation in order to get back on track?

Being a coach will require considerably less time than a counselor.

Either kind of mentor is fine, but it is vital you know what you need before you approach a mentor. And be sure to communicate this clearly so your potential mentors will know what to expect.

3. Communicate.

Clearly communicate what you hope the mentor/mentee relationship will look like.

  • How often you will connect?
  • How will you connect?
  • What area of your life will they mentor you in?
  • How much time they should expect to invest?

In my case, I kept the commitment low and the expectations clear. I didn’t need an intensive daily check-in schedule. I just needed someone that I could safely sound off to in stressful times and someone to call when I had even the simplest of questions.

Is it Time?

Is it time for you to find a mentor?

You know you’re ready if you have pushed yourself as far as you can go, you are open to and actually want correction, and you’re willing to commit to pursuing realistic goals until they are met.

Now is the time grow, learn and be all that God has called you to be.

I’d love to help you as you seek out a mentor. Contact me for more information and let’s talk!

Filed Under: This Crazy Life Called "Ministry" ·
Mar 23, 2012

Mentoring – Formal or Informal?

By · Leave a Comment

Mentoring is a process which is difficult to define, partly because it looks a little different every time. That’s because mentoring can be formal or informal.  My very best personal mentoring experience continues today. It is an informal mentoring agreement that came about simply because I asked.  I approached a extended family member who has been in the ministry for 50 years and raised her children to know the Lord and serve Him faithfully.  She is a great example of grace, determination, and humor in her everyday life and ministry, even when dealing with hard things.  I looked at her life and thought, “I could learn a lot from her.”

I knew her and trusted her.  We rarely see each other in person. We have never lived in the same state. We talk on the phone as our schedules allow. Our mentoring relationship is very informal, but is rooted in friendship and respect and a determination to be completely transparent.

Mentoring can also be a very formal process, an agreement or covenant between two people.  I have had several experiences with formal arrangements, mostly as the mentor. But there was one where I was being mentored.  This  experience was very trying and draining, leading to a sense of failure and ineffectiveness.

From this failed mentoring experience, I learned a few things that are essential to the mentoring process, whether formal or informal.

  1. There must be an equal commitment from both people involved.
  2. Both parties must be willing to be held accountable.
  3. The perspective of the relationship as being mutually beneficial should be held by both people.

My personal experience made me wary of formal, mentoring relationships and as a result I always have a plan when entering in to a formal arrangement. I expect the same from a mentee.

So, which ways have worked best for you?  Formal or informal?  Are you currently mentoring anyone?

Related Posts:

An Introduction to Mentoring
Why Would I Need a Mentor?
What Are the Benefits of a Mentor?

Filed Under: This Crazy Life Called "Ministry" ·
Mar 19, 2012

What Are the Benefits of a Mentor?

By · Leave a Comment

If you’re just joining us here at Ministry Momma, I’ve been talking about Mentoring. I’ve discovered it to be one of the most valuable resources available to help me live this crazy life called ministry and all the curveballs it throws at us. Over the years I’ve had different mentors with different focus. Focuses? Foci? (Heh – obviously they weren’t teaching me the plural form of the word focus!)

So, what exactly are the benefits of a mentor?

1. A mentor guides your path.

When my family goes for a walk, we walk on the sidewalk. We don’t wander through people’s yards. Likewise, when we go for a nature hike, we stick to the path. That’s because someone took the time to plan ahead. They went ahead of us and saw the potential pitfalls and dangerous routes. They cleared a path, leveled the ground and, therefore, made it easier for us to come behind.

A mentor can guide us to the smoothest path.

Just like my blog tagline says, a ministry mentor can help you navigate this crazy life called ministry and all the curveballs it throws at you. A mentor can anticipate the rough patches, and potential struggles, and help you make wise choices that will help you more successfully travel through this ministry journey.

You can also seek a mentor who helps guide you in the journey as a parent. This is one area I’ve particularly sought a mentor for. Raising a family in the midst of a ministry setting is challenging. I’ve been very grateful to have such wise mentors to help me strike the balance.

We can save an enormous amount of heartache and effort by simply learning from women who have cleared the path.

2. A mentor sees our potential.

We can’t see ourselves. We’re usually pretty biased about what we do see.

Even the best athlete needs a coach to point out how and where they have room to improve.

We need people outside of our circumstances to see where we are struggling and where we are succeeding so that they can point out high impact changes we can make.

3. A mentor isn’t afraid to ask the hard questions.

My mentor often asks me hard questions. For example, she regularly asks how my relationship is with my husband. Not because she suspects we’re on the wrong path. Instead she knows it is an area in ministry that can easily be troubled in difficult times. (We’re doing great, by the way! :) ).  If you want a mentor, you should go in knowing this will take place. And be prepared to be totally transparent.

I suspect you’ll find it is oddly comforting to be asked these hard questions.

When my mentors ask me how my marriage is going, or what personal goals I have worked on lately, it reminds me that I’m not alone.

The Bottom Line is This: I have amazing women behind me, pushing me to be the best I can be in life and ministry and that is deeply motivating.

Related Posts:

An Introduction to Mentoring
Why Would I Need a Mentor?
Mentoring: Formal or Informal?
How Do I Find a Mentor?

Filed Under: This Crazy Life Called "Ministry" ·
Mar 17, 2012

Planning a Reception – the food. the FOOD!

By · 2 Comments

Well you can’t really have a reception without food, right (or can you? hmmm…)? And how many receptions, showers, or banquets have you been to that you walked away feeling generally unimpressed with the food?

As we’ve been planning my in-laws 50th Anniversary celebration I would have LOVED to have catered in the food. But again…it costs too much. I love to cook. It’s a good thing, because that’s going to come in handy. My in-laws still live in the same town they were born in. This is something I can’t even wrap my brain around. But the result is they (literally) know everyone in town. Between the personal invitations that went out, the announcement in two (yes, two) different church bulletins, and an announcement in the town newspaper (!), we are expecting there to be about 250 people at this reception. That’s hovering awfully close to a full-blown gala! Whew!

We decided a come and go dessert reception would be the way to go. I’m trying to plan for about 5 small food pieces per person (you’re doing that math in your head, huh? That’s 1,250 individual pieces. Ay-ye-ye…). So here’s the food items I’m planning barring any major disasters (and I’m leaving the door open to that possibility. I’ve done the research. There’s a Sam’s Club about an hour away if I get in trouble. :) ).

Chocolate Covered Strawberries

I just love chocolate covered strawberries. They add color and class to any table. And they really are simple to make. Isn’t this a pretty way to display them?

Dessert Kabobs

These are also easy to make. I can buy the angel food cake ready-made and cut it up and string it on to the skewers along with more strawberries.

source

Pizzelle Cookies

Have you ever heard of these cookies? They are Italian – slightly anise flavored. I had them all the time growing up. I love them. They carry so many special memories for me so when I found a pizzelle iron recently, I used this reception as my excuse to buy it. A pizzelle iron looks very similar to a waffle iron, and makes these wonderful wafer-like cookies in about 3 minutes flat. The cookies are so dainty. In fact, I think they look like a lace doilie. Won’t they look beautiful on the dessert table? Here is the recipe I use.

source

Dipped Marshmallow Pops

These are for the seriously sweet-toothed. And they look impressive. In reality they are quite simple. These are the two varieties I plan to make: Oreo and Turtle. The Oreo marshmallow pop is just dipped in white chocolate and then rolled in crushed oreos. The Turtle marshmallow pop is dipped in caramel, then dipped in milk chocolate and rolled in pecans.

source

More detailed instructions for both (plus several more varieties) are found here.

Cake Balls

These are basically the same thing as a cake pop, which are all the rage right now, except there’s not a stick (hence a cake ball, not a cake pop. Hehe…)

source

It should not cost an outrageous amount of money, but this will (by far) be the most time-consuming of the dessert options. I’m willing to take the time to make these, though, because they look so cute on a dessert table! The best tutorial I’ve found online on how to make these really yummy bite-sized desserts can be found here.

Cake

As mentioned on Thursday, we have a friend making a cake to include on the dessert table. With this cute topper on it, the cake will be a great centerpiece to the dessert table.

Tablescape

I was saying yesterday that I think tables need to look creative. No boring single carnation in the middle of each table for me! I also think the dessert table needs to be well-presented. That means both a nice arrangement of the food on the platters and a nice arrangement of the platters.  I’ve been collecting boxes small and small(ish) to use as risers. This will give varying heights to the different platters of food presented.

Here’s my inspiration picture. I hope mine looks this pretty!

So there’s my plan: the invitations, the decor and the food.

Do you feel positively inspired?!? Or maybe less intimidated by the event in your future? I do hope so.

The reception is on March 31st, so I’ll update you in a couple weeks to let you know how (and if) we pull this off!

Happy Day!

Related Posts:

Planning a Reception – Something We Never Expected to Be Part of Our Job {smile}
Planning a Reception – Table Decor Can Be Expensive…or Not

Filed Under: This Crazy Life Called "Ministry" ·
« Older Posts
Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 325 other followers